WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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