bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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