how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
