oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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