I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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