I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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