I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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