He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
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This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
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I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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