is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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