why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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