Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
