Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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