HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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