sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
