I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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