Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
