Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
