i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
