I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
