Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
