just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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