So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
