Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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