i think my tv is drunk
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize