I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
