What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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