My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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