Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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