He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
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I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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