so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
