Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
