I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i've created a new STD.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
