don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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