Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
