She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
