What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
