I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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