I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
