If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
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He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
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No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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