do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
