And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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