it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
