So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize