What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My cat gives me a boner
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
