yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
