Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
