Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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