Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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