ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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