omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
