would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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