Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
