i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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