and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
