So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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