What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
