My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
