Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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