mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
