For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
its liver damage thursday
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
