people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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