the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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