You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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