Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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