Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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