I wish I could punch you in the face.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
