dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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