He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
