Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
